Rodney doesn't come out of his room for the first four days. Eventually, they send Cadman in after him. Everyone else outranks her.

"Rodney?" She steps in with caution. Rodney's sneaky; she's been in that head and she's seen the kind of merciless bastardry he's capable of - booby traps seem likely.

"What?" The voice is different - not a lot higher, but the timbre has changed. The impatience is still there. The voice seems to be coming from the bathroom.

"It's me, Laura - I brought you some clothes."

"Whatever." Rodney comes out of the bathroom, and Cadman just has to stare. He? She? stops in the threshold and glares, hands on hips. "Oh, what? You're a lesbian now? Not to marginalize your sexual culture or anything, but give me the clothes."

Cadman hands over the bag, still struck a little dumb by the girl!Rodney show. He's all long legs and bare feet and boxer shorts that cling to shapely hips, and he's wearing a too-big tee shirt that doesn't come close to supporting or disguising what may well be the best rack on Atlantis. The face still looks like Rodney, only narrower, softer somehow - with cheekbones and a wide mouth and big blue eyes under a fall of fine, sandy hair.

"Get in here," Rodney snaps, stalking back into the bathroom. "Show me how to put on a bra."

Cadman's pretty sure she's never going to recover from this.

"I'm not going out there until I look hot," Rodney says. "I was a pretty average-looking guy, but I'm like a porn star in this body. And you are going to show me what to do with it, aren't you?"

"Is this some sort of revenge thing, Rodney?" Cadman asks.

He looks at her, one eyebrow curving. "Oh, hell, yes."

"This is uncomfortable."

"No shit. It's a push-up bra - it's so not about comfort." Cadman looks at him critically. "Okay, now pick 'em up and settle them in the cups."

"What?"

"Oh, like you haven't spent the last four days touching them."

Rodney does as she says. "Wow, cleavage," he murmurs.

"You gonna shave those pits, or are you going out for the East German swim team?"

The shaving lesson is very nearly unbearable. Especially when she has to first explain and then diagram the concept of the "landing strip." Once pits and legs and *shudder* bikini area are smooth and silky, Rodney tries on clothes.

"Too slutty," Cadman says, eyeing Rodney's cleavage, which is highlighted by his snug shirt and its three open buttons.

"This looks hot," Rodney protests.

"You're going to the infirmary and the lab, not for a job interview at Hooter's," she tells him. "Put on jeans and a tee shirt and save the big guns for when you need 'em."

"I do have big guns, don't I?" Rodney runs his hands up his ribcage.

"Yes, yes - your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, Rodney. Now quit feeling yourself up and get dressed, Carson wants to check you over."

"What does that milkshake thing mean?" Rodney asks, pulling on a plain white tee shirt and jeans.

"Quit yanking them up; they're low-rise. They're supposed to sit at your hips. And I don't know what it means."

"Shoes?" Rodney snaps his fingers.

"Don't be such a demanding bitch." She gives him the white tennis shoes and socks. "Sit down and let me try to do something with your hair." Cadman manages to brush it out - it's silkier than she waould have thought and it falls nicely around Rodney's face and down to his shoulders. She clips the front part back to keep it out of his eyes. "Makeup?" she asks.

"Do I need it? I mean, you don't wear any."

She laughs out loud at that one. "Yeah, right. I spend 20 minutes every morning crafting this natural look."

"Why?"

She laughs again. "Boys are stupid."

Ten minutes later, Rodney's smokin'. A little powder, a little eyeliner, a little mascara and some gloss and he's gorgeous.

"Are we ready to go?"

"Wait," Cadman says. "Listen and listen good. I'm going to tell you some stuff you need to know, but you can't tell the other women I told you, okay?"

Rodney nods.

"First, don't start sleeping around. I know you want to take your new toy out for a test run, but don't. Sex makes men stupid, and stupid men are annoying. If you really, really need to get laid, pick one guy and stick with him. Rivalry on a base this small could cause bloodshed." She holds up a second finger. "Second, if you start feeling like you're going to cry for whatever reason come see me. Or just cry in the shower, like normal people. Do not cry in front of men - it brings out all their protective instincts and they'll act like your big brother."

"Fine," Rodney says, standing up. "Just because I look like this doesn't mean I'm not still a guy."

"Tell me that again in twenty-eight days," she says, laughing at the look of horror that crosses his face.

"Fine, go away," Rodney says, making shooing motions at Cadman.

"Aren't you coming out?" she says.

"Gimme a minute," he says, and glares until she leaves. The truth is, he's not quite ready to walk out of his room yet. There are lots of reasons for the self-imposed quarantine - lack of appropriate clothing, massive freaking out, forlorn hopes that the process would spontaneously reverse itself, extremely necessary self-gratification - but the biggest is also the silliest. He feels weird.

His balance is off. He doesn't move the same way. Every part of him feels wrong. He hates it.

The door chime sounds. "What?" Rodney calls.

"It's me, Sheppard," Sheppard says, his voice muffled. "You coming out?"

"Depends," Rodney says. He sighs, then thinks the door open. As soon as Sheppard steps in, the door slides shut behind him. When their eyes meet, Rodney crosses his arms over his chest and stares down at the toe of his sneaker.

Sheppard shoves his hands into his pockets and looks wildly uncomfortable. The silence draws out. "Look," Sheppard says. "Are you going to get mad at me if I say something stupid?"

Rodney looks up. "Do you mean in general, or if you say a specific stupid thing right now?"

Sheppard grimaces and the tips of his ears turn red. "You have pretty hair," he blurts out.

Rodney boggles at him. "I do?"

"Yes," Sheppard says. "Can we not talk about it ever again?"

Rodney nods decisively. "Yes," he says. "Never again." He tightens his mouth and looks toward the ceiling. "You can never tell anyone I said this, but I have to know. Does this outfit look okay?" He closes his eyes in pain. This sucks so much.

Sheppard looks even more unhappy, and he starts shifting his weight from side to side. "You look fine. Good. You look good."

"Okay," Rodney says. "Thanks. I guess I should go to the infirmary, right?"

"Carson's expecting you."

"Yeah." Rodney can't seem to make himself uncross his arms. If this is what women feel like all the time, he can totally forgive PMS. Oh, god - he'd better not have to experience PMS. Neither galaxy was ready for a pre-menstrual Rodney McKay. "Are there...are there people out there?"

"No," Sheppard says, looking up. "I made them go away. Everyone's under strict orders not to - you know - annoy you."

"Annoy me?" Rodney reaches up to run his fingers through his hair, then notices the sharp way that Sheppard watches the motion. "You mean hit on me?"

"Yeah." Sheppard looks so uncomfortable that Rodney's pretty sure he's about five seconds away from bolting.

Rodney spots a lab coat hanging on the back of his desk chair and turns to grab it. Sheppard makes a small noise. "What?" Rodney says, spinning back to look at him. "What?"

"Rodney," Sheppard says, his voice low.

Rodney just looks at him, trying to figure out what's going on.

Sheppard sighs and walks to the door, leaning his forehead against the wall, his eyes closing. "Look," he says. "I'll take you to Beckett, but then...I...I don't think I can be around you like this."

Rodney feels his chest tighten. "Oh," he says. He grabs the lab coat and slips it on. When he fastens the buttons, he feels better - it's too big, so it disguises his shape, and that's oddly comforting. All his confidence seems to be slipping away in the face of having to actually leave his room. He looks at Sheppard, still leaning there with his eyes closed. "Why can't you?"

Sheppard braces his hands on the wall and pushes himself back, turning his head to face Rodney. Sheppard opens his eyes, and they're wide and glittering and dark. "Why do you think?" he says, voice raspy.

Rodney gets it. He nods sharply, feeling a little hurt. "I see," he sniffs. "Figures." Figures Sheppard would fall at his feet the second those feet were slim and dainty and feminine. And, Jesus, how fucked up is it that he's jealous of himself? "You don't have to go with me; I know where the infirmary is."

He thinks the door open and stalks out, only peripherally aware that Sheppard is trailing behind him. A couple of the people he passes in the hall smile at him, but he glares at them and they scurry away. At the door to the infirmary, he turns back to look at Sheppard.

"Thank you for the escort, Colonel. I guess I'll see you when this is fixed. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable." He walks away without looking back.

It takes Carson an hour to tell him that they don't know anything new and that he is, apparently, a perfectly healthy thirty-six-year-old woman. Rodney pulls his lab coat tighter around his body and stalks out. Sheppard is waiting.

"I thought you couldn't be around me like this," Rodney snaps, but his heart's not in it.

"I'm sorry," Sheppard says. "I didn't mean it that..."

Rodney holds up a hand, and even he is mesmerized by it - it's slim and delicate, and it looks elegant and pretty. He drops it and shoves it into his pocket. "Shut up," he says. "There's nothing you can say that won't make this worse."

"You're probably right," Sheppard says with a forced laugh. "You want to get a late breakfast?"

Rodney shrugs. "Okay, but then I have to go to the labs."

"Yeah," Sheppard says. "No telling what they've destroyed while you spent four days with your hand in your pants."

Rodney feels himself blush, but it's not like Sheppard isn't right, so he can't really get mad. He snorts. "Like you would've taken up knitting or something? Right."

When the door of the transporter closes behind them, Sheppard does something that stops the transport process before it begins, and Rodney finds himself being turned by one elbow. Sheppard's face is close enough that his breath stirs the strands of hair that curve under Rodney's jaw.

"Look," Sheppard says, low and serious. "I'm sorry. I'm not good at...I don't always get my point across, okay?" Rodney can see his adam's apple bob as he swallows hard. "Seeing you like this fucks up my worldview. I could...we could - with you like this. I could have... Fuck, Rodney!" Sheppard turns and kicks at the bottom of the wall. "If you're like this, I can act on the way I feel about you, and just the idea of it is making me crazy."

Rodney takes in Sheppard's hunched shoulders and obvious frustration, and then he gets it. "You want to fuck me when I'm a guy, but you can't. So when I'm a girl, you can? I thought you only wanted to because I'm a girl."

Sheppard rounds on him, hands rising to grip Rodney's arms just above the elbows. "No! I mean, yes. I want you all the time, Rodney."

"Oh," Rodney says, honestly stunned. "But, when I'm...you...can't?"

"I don't think so," Sheppard says, looking down.

"Oh," Rodney says again. "So, it's like this - while I'm like this - and then...nothing?"

Sheppard nods and lets his hands drop, stepping back. It's a little bit of a consolation prize that he looks almost as miserable as Rodney feels. Rodney nods and restarts the transporter. When they step out into the hall, they glance at one another, uncertain.

"Breakfast," Rodney says. "Then the lab. I'll...uh...I'll think about what you said, okay?"

"Okay," Sheppard says. "Up to you."

Breakfast is horrible. Okay, the waffles are great, but the awkwardness is terrible. Rodney finds himself pushing squares of waffle through the syrup and then not even eating them.

Sheppard sneaks looks at him when he thinks Rodney's not paying attention. It must be a woman thing, but Rodney can actually feel the eyes on him. And not just Sheppard's either. Finally, he turns around to the table of Marines behind him.

"You will stop staring at me - all of you - right now, or I will guarantee that you will never have hot water, a working toilet or underwear that isn't pink for the duration of your stay on Atlantis, which will be short." He keeps his voice low, but it carries, and the table of Marines and the people at every table in the vicinity suddenly become very interested in their waffles.

"That means you, too," Rodney snaps at Sheppard. "You need to quit it right fucking now."

Sheppard looks kind of stricken, and something vengeful inside Rodney is glad. He wants to hurt Sheppard, to return at least a little bit of the anger and pain he felt when he'd heard Sheppard's confession. It seems to have worked.

"I'm going to the lab," Rodney says, standing and picking up his tray when Sheppard reaches forward. He leaves the entire assemblage of the mess in open-mouthed awe as he stomps off.

"Holy crap," one of the Marines says quietly,

"I heard that," Rodney yells from the door, and Sheppard buries his face in his hands.

Rodney doesn't leave the lab for lunch; he just has a power bar. He's pissy, because not one of the women in the lab can concentrate on their work until he lets them touch his hair. Simpson and Karlson simply smooth a finger over the ends, but Miko slicks her hand all the way down the back of his head, the way one would pet a long-haired dog. Rodney gives her a scowl and she scurries away, but she's smiling.

Radek gives him a hopeful look, and Rodney glares until he goes back to his work.

Okay, no," Rodney says. Sheppard's leaning in the doorway of the empty lab; everyone else has gone for the day.

"No what?"

"No, I won't sleep with you like this," Rodney says, but he's not in the least happy about it.

"I was just going to see if you'd had dinner," Sheppard says, and he looks like he's been smacked in the head.

"No, I haven't, and no, I don't want to, and no, I will not sleep with you in this body," Rodney says, counting off his points on his fingers. "Clear?"

Sheppard swallows hard and blinks several times. "Uh," he says, his voice a little hoarse. "Can we still be friends?" Then he slaps his hand over his mouth in horror.

"Ha!" Rodney shouts in triumph. "You are officially a bigger girl than me, and I'm the one with a vagina."

Sheppard lifts his hand long enough to plead, "Please, please don't say 'vagina' again."

Rodney crosses his arms over his chest. He'd learned early on to do it over the breasts, because doing it under made any man in the immediate area go entirely stupid. "We can play chess," he says. Then he lifts one finger. "In a public place. Lord knows I don't need a reputation as the Atlantis bike."

"Bike?" Sheppard repeats.

"Yeah," Rodney says. "You know, everyone gets a ride?"

At the word 'ride,' Sheppard's eyes go hot like they had in the transporter.

"And you will stop looking at me like that or there will be no chess, no shared meals, no flying lessons and no exploration of the city without an escort." Rodney ticks the points off on his fingers again.

"You want a chaperone?" Sheppard yelps. "Don't you trust me to be a gentleman?"

Rodney rolls his eyes. "No. Are we agreed?"

"Fine," Sheppard says, looking away. "I accept your terms."

"Go get the chessboard," Rodney says. "I'll meet you in the mess hall in ten minutes."

Sheppard leaves, and Rodney uses the reflective side of what they think is an Ancient toaster to check his hair, but he hates himself for it.

The next morning, Sheppard is waiting outside his door when he opens it to go to breakfast.

"No," Rodney says.

Sheppard gives him a quizzical look.

"No courting behavior. If you want to have breakfast together, you call and harass me on the comm and then meet me in the mess like usual."

Sheppard ducks his head, and if Rodney wasn't so irritated, he'd find it charming. And, oh, is he irritated. His hair is impossible, the fine strands flying with static until he managed to smooth it all down, gathering it at the back of his neck with one of the bands Cadman left. He did away with the makeup entirely, and wound up wearing yesterday's jeans and a white button-up shirt that's too big, in an effort to look as unattractive as possible. From the look on Sheppard's face, he failed.

Sheppard holds his hands up in defeat. "Okay, sorry. No being nice. Got it."

Rodney scowls at him. "You aren't being nice, you're being a stalker."

"Oh, come on," Sheppard says. "I'm not being a stalker. I'm just trying to deal with this as best I can. You're standing there, and you're everything I want and all you say to me is 'no'."

"Yes," Rodney hisses, leaning close so that his voice doesn't carry. "I'm everything you want except myself, Colonel, so maybe I'll just skip breakfast." He starts down the hall and gets about ten steps before he hears the sound of Sheppard's boots on the floor. When he turns to look over his shoulder, Sheppard is going the other way. Rodney resolutely tells himself that he doesn't care.

In the mess hall, Ronon and Teyla wave him over to their table, and he's glad of it. "Hello, Dr. McKay," Teyla says. Ronon just grunts. Neither of them has a word to say about his appearance; Teyla just starts talking about an upcoming celebration on the mainland, and Ronon works his way steadily through a stack of pancakes, three rashers of bacon, two muffins and a large glass of milk. Rodney picks at a bowl of cereal and occasionally pokes his spoon toward Ronon's food just to hear him growl.

When Sheppard comes in, he looks at their table and makes as if to move away. Teyla waves him over, and he looks at Rodney until he nods. Sheppard gets his food and sits down beside Ronon. Teyla greets him and starts talking about the celebration again, but Sheppard keeps his eyes on his plate and eats mechanically.

"So, you will all attend," Teyla says in the same voice that she uses to say 'You will not be late to stick practice,' or 'you will leave the negotiating to me.' They all nod.

Rodney finishes his cereal and makes a half-hearted grab for a piece of Ronon's bacon before standing up with his tray. He's pleased to note that Sheppard didn't even try for it. "I'm going to the lab," he says, and walks off, not waiting for a reply from any of them.

"Teyla!" Rodney was sure he sounded frantic over the comm, but - dammit - he was frantic. "You have to come to my quarters right now. I need your help."

When Teyla arrives, Rodney thinks the door open, then closes it so fast she barely gets inside. "What am I going to wear to this celebration thing?" Rodney asks. "I don't have any idea about this stuff."

Teyla steps further into the room just as the door chime sounds. "Rodney, it's Laura. Let me in, I've got it!"

Rodney opens the door again and shuts it behind Laura just as fast. She has several brightly-colored things draped over her arm.

Laura hands one of the things - oh, god, they're dresses - to Teyla, who looks at it critically. "I believe Rodney's breasts are too large for this one," she says, and Rodney fidgets as both women look at his chest.

"You're probably right," Laura says, tossing the rejected dress onto the bed. "How about this one?" She holds up a simple black wrap dress.

"I'll look like I'm going to a funeral," Rodney blurts out, then runs his hand through his hair distractedly.

"Then it's this one," Laura says. She holds up a multicolored skirt and top combo. The top is cropped and attached to the skirt with thin ties. It's obviously designed to show off the wearer's midriff.

"No way," Rodney says. "No way."

"Laura," Teyla says. "I think you should attend to Dr. McKay's hair, and I will take care of the dress."

Cadman herds a still-spluttering Rodney into the bathroom. "Did you shave?" she asks.

"Yes," Rodney snaps.

Laura ignores him and makes him sit down on a handy stool. She sets down a large bag that Rodney hadn't even noticed she had slung over her shoulder. She pulls out a number of things Rodney has never even seen before. He closes his eyes and just lets it happen.

When he opens his eyes forty-five minutes later, he's stunned. In the mirror, a beautiful woman is looking back at him. His hair is styled in soft curls and held to one side with some kind of glittering clip, and his face looks as smooth as silk. His eyes are huge and blue, outlined in some sort of brown...stuff. His eyelashes are thick and dark, his cheeks have a soft, rosy blush across his cheekbones and his lips look full and lush and slightly glossy.

"Holy shit," he says reverently.

Laura pulls off the towel she'd draped across his shoulders. "Ta-da!" she says. "Hi there, hot stuff."

"You...this...I'm...you..." Rodney splutters.

"You're welcome."

And Rodney nearly forgets himself for a moment and hugs her. Nearly.

Back in the main room, Teyla does a full-on double-take when she sees him. "You look lovely, Dr. McKay," she says, her eyes shining with mirth. "I believe I have solved the clothing dilemma." She holds up the multi-colored skirt, now relieved of its revealing top, and a plain white wraparound blouse. "Try these," she says.

Rodney carries the clothes off to the bathroom, muttering that they're "very Sharon Stone."

When he comes back, both women beam at him. Teyla hands him a pair of sandals and he looks at them like he's never seen footwear before.

"Sit on the bed," she says. "I will help you."

It turns out that the sandals are completely flat and have laces that wind all the way up his calves and tie almost behind his knee. Even he has to admit that they look pretty.

"I believe we are ready," Teyla says, and Laura throws him a little salute as she ducks back into the bathroom to retrieve her supplies. When they get out to the hallway, Teyla links her arm in his, and Rodney just lets her.

When they walk into the Puddlejumper bay, someone whistles, long and low. Rodney scowls. He gets one glimpse of Sheppard's slack-jawed face poked out of the jumper door before he calls, "Last shuttle to Party Town," and ducks inside. Rodney sits in the back. All of the women compliment him on his hair or makeup or dress, and all of the men stare at their shoes in abject fear. Rodney is pleased.

The Athosian settlement is done up in flowers and ribbon garlands. There are rough wooden tables laden with food, and Zelenka and some of his cronies have set up a bar, offering several Earth specialties along with the amber ale that the Athosians perfected on about the eightieth batch.

Radek walks over, grinning madly. "Hello, Rodney," he says. "You look nice." He has two drinks in his hand, what looks like a Cosmopolitan and a bottle of ale. Rodney appropriates the ale, and Radek shrugs and sips the Cosmo. "Not bad," he says.

"I'll say," comes a voice from behind them, and Rodney turns to see Major Lorne standing there. "Looking good, McKay," he says, and Rodney frowns at him. "Oh, lighten up," Lorne says. "I wasn't hitting on you. It's a simple compliment. If you're going to clean up so nicely, you're going to have to learn to take one."

Rodney takes a fortifying sip of his ale and gives Lorne a small smile. "Thank you," he says. Lorne gives him a courtly nod and walks away.

As the sun sets, Athosian boys light the torches placed around the open circle in the center of the camp. A roaring bonfire is started at a safe distance. It's very popular with the kids, who throw small sticks and bunches of leaves into it under the watchful eyes of the adults.

"It's nice." Rodney jumps. Elizabeth has sidled up beside him, holding a Cosmopolitan and looking a little flushed.

"What's nice?" Rodney asks.

"The way all the adults watch after the kids, even the ones who aren't theirs. It reminds me of when I was a child. The neighborhood kids all ran in packs and anyone's parents could discipline any kid that got out of line. It was a good system."

"Well," Rodney says dryly. "I hear it takes a village."

Elizabeth laughs, and he's suddenly happy to see her so relaxed. He looks at the red dress she is wearing with matching flat slippers. "You look nice," he says.

"Oh, thank you," she says, "but I don't think any of us are outshining you."

Rodney stares and she laughs again. "You have many admirers tonight, Rodney, and not just our people. Some of the Athosians are quite captivated with you."

Elizabeth waves to Teyla, who is mingling across the clearing. She looks strange drinking a Cosmopolitan. "See you later," Elizabeth says, and Rodney watches her walk away with an uncharacteristic swing to her hips.

Rodney finishes his bottle of ale and heads for the bar. Ronon is standing there, and he grins when Zelenka hands him a Cosmo. Rodney feels his mouth fall open. Once he's regained his composure, he turns to Radek.

"Toughest man in two galaxies and you've got him drinking frou-frou girl drinks."

"What's frou-frou?" Ronon asks. "Is it the stuff that tastes like fanthe berries?"

"Something like that," Rodney says, and he watches Ronon walk away with his pink drink in an oversized martini glass. "Gimme a beer," Rodney tells Radek.

"Make that two," Sheppard says from one side, and Rodney can't help but stiffen. They've avoided each other for two days.

Sheppard is wearing a pale blue button-down shirt that has only had a passing acquaintance with an iron and a pair of khaki trousers. The shirt is unbuttoned enough to see the beginnings of his chest hair, and the sleeves are rolled up over his forearms. When he takes his beer and turns it up, Rodney looks at the line of his neck and the way his Adam's apple bobs when he drinks. He feels that familiar tightening in his stomach that he learned about during his first four days as a woman.

Rodney takes his beer from Zelenka and nods in thanks. "Colonel," he says, then he turns to go. Sheppard reaches out and touches Rodney on the arm, then pulls his hand away immediately.

"Rodney," he says quietly. "I just wanted to say that you look nice." He looks entirely miserable, just the way that Rodney feels.

"Thank you," Rodney says. "You look nice, too." He walks away, and Sheppard lets him.

Athosian Ale version 80.1 has a hell of a kick. Rodney drinks three of them and his head is spinning a little. At least enough that he lets himself be coerced into dancing with several Athosian men and, quite memorably, Lorne - who turns out to be a not-bad waltz partner. Rodney has to adjust to someone else leading, but he eventually gets it and laughs out loud when Lorne playfully dips him at the end of the song.

Rodney wanders over to the bonfire. It's burned down enough that it doesn't give off eyeball-frying heat, and benches and stools have been pulled up around it. Rodney finds an out of the way bench and sits down. One of the Athosians he'd danced with, Alon, comes over with two mugs in his hands.

"Oh, no," Rodney says. "No more for me."

Alon laughs. "It is water, Dr. McKay."

"Oh...thank you, then." Rodney takes one mug, then looks at Alon standing there expectantly. "Would you...would you like to sit down?"

"I would," he says, and sits - not too close, Rodney is thankful to note.

Alon asks questions about the city that aren't completely stupid, and Rodney finds himself enjoying the company. He's avoided pretty much all of the men on Atlantis, save Ronon and Radek - he knows that they're safe - so it's refreshing to talk to someone who doesn't look at him like he's a freak.

The fire burns down further, and their formerly shadowed corner becomes a rather dark one. Rodney notices that Alon has moved closer to him in very small increments and that they are pretty much pressed together from hip to knee. As soon as he notices, it's all that he can think about, and the tight feeling in his stomach is back. Their mugs are long empty, and Rodney makes a small noise when Alon's fingers brush his as he takes the mug from Rodney's hand a places both of them on the other end of the bench.

"Rodney?" Alon says quietly, and Rodney looks up at him. "May I kiss you?"

Rodney swallows hard. "You...you know who...what I am right?"

"I do," Alon says.

Rodney looks at him incredulously in the dim light. "And it doesn't bother you?"

Alon laughs quietly. "Rodney, I am attracted to both men and women."

"So I'm the best of both worlds?"

"You are lovely," Alon says, "and I would be honored for you to stay the night with me."

Rodney's never had anyone pursue him like this. Sheppard doesn't count, because Sheppard only looked at him the way Alon is looking at him when he turned into a girl.

"Have we met before?" Rodney says. "I mean, when I was a man?"

"We have," Alon says. "You were with the group who came to install the communications device; I helped construct the building it resides in."

"And?" Rodney says.

Alon laughs softly. "And I would also have approached you then, had you not been so well guarded."

"Guarded?"

"Your Colonel Sheppard was very protective of you." Alon reaches out and takes Rodney's hand and he can feel the calluses of a man who works with his hands.

"He's not my Colonel Sheppard," Rodney says, and he leans up to kiss Alon's smiling mouth.

Alon's house is a well-constructed frame and beam building, and his bed is low and wide and covered with bright woven blankets, similar to what Teyla has in her quarters. He kisses Rodney, and Rodney kisses back, again having to adjust to someone else leading. He lets Alon peel his clothes off, but he reaches into his skirt pocket and places a condom on the small table beside the bed.

"To prevent conception," he says, thanking the weird instinct that made him bring it along.

Alon smiles softly down at him. "I would not object to you bearing my child, Rodney," he says, then laughs at Rodney's horrified expression. "It is just as well," he says. "You are needed in the city, and I would not want you to leave."

Rodney shuts him up with a kiss and lets himself be pulled down onto the bed. Alon teaches him what it's like to be multi-orgasmic with someone else in the room. Rodney teaches Alon what a blowjob is.

It's still pitch dark outside when Rodney pulls himself out of Alon's arms and gives the sleeping man a soft kiss on the cheek. He puts on his clothes and has to carry the sandals, since he has no idea how to lace them anyway.

Many of the Atlanteans have been billeted in guest huts. Several did the same as Rodney, going home with an Athosian. As he walks by the fire pit, he sees Ronon and Teyla sleeping nestled in each others' arms and is vaguely happy for them. The walk to the Puddlejumper isn't far, but he knows that there are thick foam pads and warm blankets and no uncomfortable morning after there. Speaking of uncomfortable, Rodney's sore in places he's never had places before - a deep ache between his legs that is somehow welcome, seriously sensitized nipples and thighs and hips that want to shake as he walks.

He looks around and wonders if he'll see Sheppard's bedraggled head cuddled up next to some hot Athosian girl, or if he let one entice him to her house and her low, wide bed with a dozen pillows.

When he gets close, he sees that there's a small fire burning a few yards from the jumper and that there's a figure sitting on a short log. Rodney walks to the edge of the light cast from the flames and clears his throat.

Of course it's Sheppard, and he's a little pale and his eyes look red, and his hands are just hanging off his knees, looking strange for their emptiness.

He makes a short sighing noise. "Rodney," he says.

"Hey." Rodney doesn't know what else to say.

Sheppard looks up and smiles, but it's a pitiful attempt at his usual grin. "Care to join me?"

"I..." Rodney says, unsure if he wants to get any closer.

"Please?"

It's the soft plea that gets him, and Rodney walks over, dropping his shoes before sitting down on the log, unconsciously straightening his skirt under him. He sits with his knees apart, the billowing fabric tucked between them with his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging down like Sheppard's.

"So," Rodney says, at a loss for anything more profound.

"So," Sheppard echoes. "You took the new body for a test drive, huh?"

"Yeah," Rodney said, "I did."

Sheppard sits quietly for a long time, staring into the flames. "Can I ask you a question?" he finally says.

Rodney sighs. This can't be going anywhere good, but he says yes anyway.

"Why wasn't it me?" Sheppard can certainly get to the point when he wants to.

"Do you remember Alon? One of the guys who built the comm building?"

"Yeah," Sheppard says. "He kept trying to get close to you; I had to warn him off a few times."

"He wanted me then, and he wanted me now," Rodney says quietly. "That's why it wasn't you."

He picks up his shoes and walks into the Puddlejumper, ready for bed, but also sorry to sleep alone.

On the third day after the celebration, Rodney wakes up with a penis. His breasts are gone, all the usual stuff is in the usual places, his hair is short again. He feels great. He jerks off, just because he can. He takes a long shower and notes that even his leg hair is back, thank god. Then he puts on his own uniform and steps out into the hall, nearly running into Cadman.

"Oh, my god! McKay!" She squeaks. "You're you!"

He surprises her by giving her a fierce hug and whispering 'thank you' into her hair. He lets go and frowns at her. "If you ever tell anyone I did that, I will kill you where you stand."

"Okay," she says, then falls into step beside him.

Several people in the hall do double-takes when they see Rodney, and he just smirks at them. A number of Marines suddenly find the floor very interesting and a pressing need to be elsewhere. Fast.

The servers in the mess hall smile and give him extras on all his favorites, and when Teyla sees him across the room, she rushes to his side to hug him. "Watch the tray!" he says, but he hugs her back one-armed. When he slides into his seat, Ronon slaps him on the back hard enough to rattle his bones. Radek waves and gives him a thumbs-up, and Lorne shoots him a big toothy grin.

Rodney is the first to see Sheppard walk in, so he gets to see the full range of emotions that flicker over his face in an instant: shock, happiness, chagrin, embarrassment - and then the usual slow grin.

"Hey, McKay," he says, "Good to have you back."

Rodney gives him a smile that even he knows looks fake. "Good to be back," he says. He pushes most of his food onto Ronon's plate, then claims he's needed in the lab.

In the lab, Simpson and Karlson look at him but don't approach. Miko does, though, and she touches his hair the same way she'd done before. He chases her off with a fake growl.

At lunchtime, Radek brings in two trays and eats with him. They gossip about the Athosian celebration and the lab goings-on, and they decide that it was the thing that looks like a toaster that was responsible for Rodney's change, and Radek boxes it up and marks it appropriately for delivery to "On Pain of Death" room, deep within the city.

Later, Rodney looks up to see that everyone is gone and it's well after midnight. He begins the shut-down procedure for his laptop and gathers his things, smiling at the lab coat that he wore most of the time he was a woman. He grabs his laptop and the coat and heads back to his room.

Sheppard is waiting by his door.

"Hey," Rodney says, suddenly very tired.

"Hey," Sheppard replies. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," Rodney says, and gestures inside. Sheppard sits on the edge of the bed, and Rodney puts his laptop on the desk and hangs the lab coat on the back of the chair.

"I was wrong," Sheppard says, apropos of nothing. Rodney just raises his eyebrows and looks at him. Sheppard looks up, and his eyes are as sad as Rodney's ever seen them. "I should have..."

"Should have what, Colonel?" Rodney says tiredly.

"Will you call me 'John'?" And he looks so hopeful that Rodney doesn't know what to do.

"I guess I could," he finally says.

"I should have taken the chance - before," John says. "I should have been braver."

Rodney looks at him, then tilts his head and looks at him again. "You're the bravest person I know."

"Not..." John says, looking at the floor. "Not when it comes to...people."

Rodney walks over to the bed and looks down at the top of John's head, waiting for him to look up. When he does, Rodney smiles at him. "John," he says softly. "What makes you think it's too late?"

John's eyes go wide with shock and then a small smile lifts his lips. It's the most genuine smile Rodney's ever seen on his face. It makes him happy in a way that nothing else ever has, so when John reaches out for his hand, he holds on.