Five Things




Five ways that Spike says 'i love you' to Xander.

  1. Being nice to Buffy. Sometimes.
  2. Not eating the last Twinkie. Sometimes.
  3. On his back.
  4. Beating the living mortal crap out of Xander's father.
  5. Watching Night of the Comet. Again.
Five things Drusilla doesn't miss about Angelus.
  1. His propensity for ripping Miss Edith's head off.
  2. His stupid hair.
  3. He's a total blanket hog.
  4. Leather coats everywhere.
  5. Daddy issues.
Five reasons Angel won't step foot in Spike and Xander's apartment.
  1. Stake in easy reach.
  2. Spike lives there.
  3. He doesn't like Xander.
  4. He doesn't like Spike.
  5. He's never been invited.
Five things Spike learned not do while under a spell that gives him a prehensile tail.
  1. Ride a bicycle
  2. Get anywhere near Buffy in a skirt.
  3. Avoid the coffee table; it's at exactly the right (wrong) height.
  4. Taunt a cat.
  5. Tuck it down the front of his trousers to "impress the ladies."
5 things Spike would never use as a sex toy...and why.
  1. Popsicle - have you ever licked a flagpole in winter?
  2. Cross dildo. For obvious reasons.
  3. A banana. Spike hates bananas.
  4. Olive oil. Who wants to smell like Rachael Ray?
  5. Viagra. Doesn't need it; never will.
5 Books Xander Actually Read (As Opposed to Pretending He'd Read)
  1. Harold and the Purple Crayon - his favorite book as a kid; Willow read it to him first and he kept it.
  2. The Catcher in the Rye - he thought it was a load of self-indulgent crap.
  3. Dracula - research.
  4. The Story of O - also research.
  5. Co-dependent No More - didn't work.




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